Its very difficult to say which one is better "Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage". Which path to choose? One may say Left is better, One may say right but I prefer Center (hybrid).
I have many married friends, some are happily married, some are burdened by marriage & some are tamed by marriage. (Won't categorize them based on path chosen)
Lets proceed it in same way as Life-cycle of a person.
Pre- Teen:-
Before becoming teenager, many of us have fallen in love with our school teacher or a fellow class mate or one's neighbor? (I am not bringing in age factor of the other person to keep it simple.)
Suppose you are that child.You believe you are in love and you have watched many Bollywood movies, which shows love is followed by marriage. Now you demand/plan to get married, should one agree? I don't think so. For child's understanding he might be in love (may be actually he is), but none can say with certainty if it's love or "bacch panna"/childishness ? Most of us prefer to see those kids enjoy their childhood (study/play/smile....) instead of facing the hardship of marriage for which they are not yet ready.
At the same time, if the elders also plan to get a child married to another person (Child / Adult / Old person), should one agree? I expect the same answer here - No. One good example is a popular soap in "Ballika Vadhu". Which sometimes is even a reality.
In short, this is not the right age. If you look at bigger picture, it can cause other problems like exploitation, harassment, domestic violence and other socio-economic factors.
Teen to Adulthood (till one earns and is ready to take care of responsibilities):-
Many of the folks in this age group will claim to love a superstar say "Shah Rukh" or a cricketer say "Virat Kohli" or someone like "Sunny Leone" or "Katrina Kaif".
Some may even leave their home to find "this true love" of theirs, some may even express their feelings before the photographs of "their love" and perceive it to be heard. Some may love a boxer or footballer or swimmer or a dancer from their school or neighborhood. Many will have "Love at first sight". Many people will claim to be in love even though they have never talked directly face-to-face, probably a letter friend or just a chat friend. Most of the times its not love - its attraction or infatuation or lust or perception of one's desire rather than a reality. Many of the folks in the same phase gets $exually involved sometimes resulting in other issues like Teenage pregnancy. Don't think love marriage is desirable (even if both are actually in love) when none of them can take responsibility of even one's own.
Even Arranged marriage won't work well here. For me, this period is not to think about marriage.
Adulthood (ready to take responsibilities):-
Love Marriage:-
If you have reached a stage where you are not dependent on your parents and you are deeply in love "either real or perceived as real", you are free to go ahead legally - Its your life , Its your choice.
No doubt it will have its advantages like both the person will know each other very well in advance, in this respect it scores above arranged marriage. But at the same time, there are possible issues post-marriage when its not approved by parents.
Firstly, the couple is on their own, as most of the times they are disowned or choose to stay separately from their parents.
Second, if there are any problems between life-partners in future or any other crisis, many of the times parents from either side won't support morally or financially. Also one of the partners might not even have a place to go.
Third, generally I have observed that tendency to compromise is much less but expectation from one's partner is much more.
Fourth, most of the people do point at high divorce rates for love marriage compared to arranged marriage, indicating reduced chances of success in comparison to arranged marriage.
Here the couple knows the path & the partner but they have to proceed at their own risk, with least outside support.
Arranged Marriage:-
In this form of marriage, couples doesn't know much about them and are brainwashed in a sense to find ways to love their partner, which may or may not happen. As they don't know much about each other, there is not much level of comfort between them. But in case of any crisis or issues, one would have many people to rely on or for help to resolve it. Probably, this is the reason its considered safer (but may not be comfortable at the beginning).
If you never fall in love, before or its not feasible for you to marry your love, then this is option you have (unless you plan to be bachelor for life). Family arranged marriage is better than searching for your own life-partner in JeevanSathi.com or some other matrimonial site (though not necessary).
If your partner has died before you, at some point of time you may need a partner, (think old man/woman) , you may not want to wait long for love to happen again. Arrange marriage works better here (options are less).
Here the couple doesn't know partner, but knows path to go forward with lots of help available in need.
Evolution
But I think, nowadays both arranged marriage & love marriage have evolved and have become a bit of hybrid. E.g.
- Love marriage converted to Arrange Marriage - (Best option) - When the couple is able to convince the parent from both the sides.
- Arrange Marriage with consent (from both bride & groom) & courtship period - a chance to know each other before hand. (Better - helps in transition)
- Live-in Relationship - People in love staying together without marriage. ( At-least personally I don't endorse it. I just know that I won't like my kids or my sisters to take this path, so I would do the same. Even though many will say whats wrong in it. I just know that I don't want to be a hypocrite by desiring to be in a live-in-relationship, at the same time, I don't want any of my female family members to take this route. For me exception here is senior citizens). Not to miss the legal & social ramifications of Live-in relationships in India.
I will just conclude, if you get a real love and it works out for you go ahead and try your love (with less/no help around).
If you are not lucky enough to find a real love or its not working out for you, go ahead and try your luck (with some help around).
Remember all marriages are made in heaven and none of them are perfect. So just chill and be yourself.
This post has been published in response to "Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage " by Indiblogger and Sony Entertainment Television. www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange
